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During this period, having necessarily spent a lot of time isolated from the world, I\u2019ve picked up reading again. \u201cNonviolent Communication: A Language of Life\u201d is one of the most interesting and enlightening books I\u2019ve ever read on the topics of communication and personal development.<\/p>\n
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It\u2019s a book full of concepts that are actually very simple and easy to understand. However, I believe that a good dose of consistency and determination is essential to apply them in everyday life. If people were to follow the NVC (Nonviolent Communication) method almost to the letter, I think we could live a fuller and more relaxed life.<\/p>\n
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The author of this book is truly a unique figure; his calm and peaceful character clearly comes through in his writing. I think it\u2019s really important to learn more about him in order to fully understand where his theories come from.<\/p>\n
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Marshall B. Rosenberg was a doctor in clinical psychology, the founder and director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) in the USA, a non-profit organization that offers communication seminars in thirty countries worldwide, including Italy.<\/p>\n
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He was also a brilliant speaker, poet, and artist.<\/p>\n
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He developed a nonviolent communication process to teach to politicians, executives, diplomats, educators, doctors, psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, lawyers, judges, military personnel, police officers, teachers, parents, and students.<\/p>\n
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He also offered his training in war-torn areas of the world and in economically depressed countries, with the aim of promoting the creation of governance systems that serve life.<\/p>\n
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The expression \u201cin service of life\u201d<\/em> appears multiple times in this text, which discusses how communication with others and with ourselves should indeed be in service of life. In every situation, it\u2019s necessary to focus on our own needs, then empathize with ourselves and others, in order to find a way to resolve conflicts. This is because, as Rosenberg states, we living beings are one, and the happiness of others is closely connected to our own.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When everyone’s needs are heard, a solution to any conflict can be found.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Here are some excerpts from the text that particularly struck me:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n On empathy:<\/strong> \u201cI think she would find people less threatening if she listened to what they need rather than what they think of her.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI was deeply conflicted with what was going through that man\u2019s mind, but I\u2019ve learned to find much more joy in human beings if I don\u2019t listen to what they think. (…) I\u2019ve learned to savor life much more by listening only to what\u2019s in their hearts and not getting distracted by what\u2019s in their heads.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Rosenberg encourages us to focus on people\u2019s needs, rather than on what they say, since they often express themselves in ways filled with resentment.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n On identifying our needs and listening to ourselves:<\/strong> \u201cWhen the critical thoughts we have about ourselves prevent us from seeing the beauty within us, we lose connection with the divine energy that sustains us. Conditioned as we are to see ourselves as objects\u2014furthermore, objects full of flaws\u2014is it any wonder that many of us end up being violent toward ourselves?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAnger is the result of a way of thinking that alienates us from life, disconnected from our needs. Anger indicates that we\u2019ve moved up into our heads to analyze and judge someone, instead of focusing on what we need and are not receiving.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Resentment and anger are expressions of unmet needs, so we must learn to recognize the needs buried beneath the anger. The author dedicates several pages to a uniquely feminine issue: disconnecting from one\u2019s own needs in order to fulfill the traditional roles of wife and mother.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n On taking responsibility for our feelings:<\/strong> \u201cWe are dangerous when we are unaware that we are responsible for our behavior, our thoughts, and our feelings.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Rosenberg consistently encourages transparency in our communications, expressing our needs with clear and unambiguous words. To achieve this, it is essential to take responsibility for how we feel. He doesn\u2019t invite us to be docile, but to listen and express ourselves with clarity.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n On the danger of making judgments, both positive and negative:<\/strong> \u201cI believe that judgments\u2014both positive and negative\u2014are a form of communication that alienates us from life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Rosenberg disapproves of both positive and negative judgments. The only judgments he approves of are those expressed correctly, solely to celebrate (not to manipulate the other person).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n On giving and receiving with empathy:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t be so modest, you\u2019re really not that great.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n When we receive praise, we can do so without any sense of superiority or false modesty, celebrating together with the person who offers the appreciation.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n These are just some of the concepts explored; I believe this text is very useful for anyone, like me, who wants to improve relationships with others and their communication skills. Rosenberg is definitely someone to elevate as a role model, although at times he can be quite extreme\u2026 the book actually ends with this poem (being a poet, several passages of the text are written in verse):<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cFeed the hungry, care for the sick, <\/em> <\/p>\n I think these verses are full of goodness and the right words, certainly not easily applicable to everyday life in a society fundamentally based on individualism. Moreover, communicating according to NVC requires a high level of concentration and focus, which isn\u2019t always easy to achieve in every situation.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In summary, I highly recommend this reading if you are looking for an alternative way to improve your life, starting with yourself.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n What do you think? Comments (in NVC style, please!) about my initiative to review books on communication and personal development are welcome. I think it\u2019s useful to recommend helpful texts while also revisiting the key concepts. I find that sharing concepts with others is a good way to internalize them and make them your own.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n See you soon!<\/p>\n N.G.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Quality communication with ourselves and others is one of the most valuable skills today. Through a four-step process, Marshall Rosenberg offers us a tool that is simple in its principles but incredibly powerful in radically improving and making our relationships with others truly authentic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":357,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[17,19,18],"class_list":["post-351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-books","tag-personal-development","tag-reviews"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n\u201cWhat will they think of me?\u201d<\/em> This is a thought that must be set aside in the name of happiness.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSince women are taught to see their most important duty as taking care of others, they often learn to ignore their own personal needs.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u201cThe horrors we\u2019ve seen, the even greater horrors we will soon see, are not signs that the number of rebellious, insubordinate, untamable men is increasing worldwide, but rather that there is a steady growth in the number of obedient and docile men.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u201cAs long as we carry on an inner dialogue full of judgments, we alienate ourselves from what we need and fail to take action to meet those needs. Depression indicates a state of alienation from our personal needs.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u201cSince we are accustomed to a culture where the standard modes of exchange are buying, earning, and deserving, we are often uncomfortable with simple giving and receiving.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\nand then rest. <\/em>
\nNever walk if you can dance; <\/em>
\nmake your home a welcoming nest.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n